My Boyfriend or Girlfriend Wants Me to Take a Lie Detector Test
You’ve done nothing wrong, but your partner thinks you’ve got a piece on the side that you’re not telling them about. They’ve sat you down and laid out their concerns about your behavior. They say you’ve been coming home later than usual and spent all Thursday night at the office. They’re convinced you’re cheating. You try to explain to them that the boss has you working on a big project, and you show them the designs on your laptop, but they aren’t convinced.
Your partner has been acting weird lately. They’re having trouble sleeping, and their eyes look sunken and dark all the time. You’re worried about them and ask them what’s wrong, but they insist there’s nothing going on and they’re just feeling stressed from work. You can’t help but notice that they come home from work acting wired and stay up late at night. Yesterday, they tore apart the lounge claiming that the neighbors have spy equipment in the house and they’re watching you.
Both these scenarios happen more often than you think. If your partner feels you’re acting strangely, they’ll normally talk to you about it. If you don’t tell them the truth, they’ll grow more suspicious about your behavior, impacting the trust in your relationship.
But what do you do if they ask you to take a lie detector test?
Why Would I Ask My Partner to Take a Lie Detector Test?
There are several reasons why your partner might ask you to take a lie detector test. It boils down to the fact that they don’t trust you anymore and need confirmation that their suspicions are just figments of their imagination.
Some people have a hard time committing to a relationship. When it comes to marriage, especially those without prenuptial agreements, some people have underlying suspicions about their soon-to-be spouse.
With all the craziness in the world, it’s not surprising that we assume the people we meet could be playing us. Especially when there’s money and assets involved. If your partner asks you to take a polygraph before they marry you, you might want to consider whether they’re the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.
Relationships and marriages often fall apart; just look at the divorce rate in America; it’s huge. People rarely admit they’re cheating on their spouse. They keep it under lock and key until they can no longer control their emotions.
It’s common for people to display erratic and aberrant behavior when they start cheating on their partners. If your spouse, girlfriend, or boyfriend suspects you of cheating, they might ask you to take a polygraph to prove your loyalty and commitment.
Suspected Drug Abuse
Drug abuse is a huge problem in society. People often start using prescription or recreational drugs, assuming they can stop using them whenever they want. However, addiction creeps in, and they start altering their behavior to avoid their partner discovering their habit.
If your partner thinks you have a drug problem, they’ll confront you about it. You might feel embarrassed about your behavior, and you don’t want them to lose confidence in you, or you worry they might leave you if they find out.
A Test of Trust & Commitment
Your partner might ask you to take a polygraph to prove your love to them. Maybe they tell you they’ll do the same for you. They might have had a trauma in their childhood or adolescence preventing them from trusting people. They see the polygraph as an indisputable test, and they’ll trust the results.
It’s not that they don’t trust you. It’s that they have past experiences preventing them from fully trusting people. The polygraph presents an avenue to show them you love them completely.
Your partner might not trust your sexual history. They might think you had a past career as a sex worker, and they don’t like that idea. OR maybe they suspect you of hiding something in your past that might affect your relationship. The polygraph serves as a way of them confirming or relieving their fears.
Is It Legal for My Partner to ask Me to Take a Lie Detector Test?
Yes. It’s completely legal for your partner to ask you to take a lie detector test. America is a free country with freedom of speech protected by the Constitution. If they feel you display behavior that makes them question your past or current state of affairs, they can ask you to take a polygraph to help them move past their suspicions or fears.
However, they may not force you to take a polygraph. You can deny their request if you don’t want to take the exam. Your partner may not intimidate you or threaten you into taking a polygraph. For instance, if your husband suspects you of cheating, they may not withhold your access to your bank account or prevent you from driving your car until you take the test.
If your partner is threatening or intimidating you into taking a polygraph and you don’t want to, consider your relationship. Is this the person you want to be with? If you’ve done nothing wrong, are their suspicions of you valid? Consider seeking legal counsel and discussing your options.
Does My Partner Have Trust Issues If They Ask Me to Take a Lie Detector Test?
Clearly, they do. Most people will sit their partner down and ask about their suspicions or fears privately. They won’t leap into asking you to take a polygraph. They must have deep doubts about your behavior.
Chances are they’ve already sat you down and asked you about their suspicions regarding your behavior or past. You probably denied everything and told them they were acting paranoid. However, time passes, and they still harbor these concerns.
As a last-ditch effort, they ask you to take a polygraph to prove yourself to them. They’re taking this action because they don’t know what else to do. They’ve come to a wall where they don’t believe you and need confirmation that what they feel is right about you.
What Does It Mean If I Refuse the Lie Detector Test?
As mentioned, you have the right to comply with your partner’s request or deny it. Even if you’re married, no law states that you must take a polygraph. You don’t have to take the polygraph even if you are cheating on them and denying your affair.
If your spouse decides to file for divorce, they can’t insist you take a polygraph. They can’t withhold a financial settlement or maintenance or seize your assets if you refuse to take the polygraph. However, even if you take the polygraph and fail, your partner has no legal recourse against you to claim your assets or deny maintenance.
What Kind of questions Does the Examiner Ask Me During the Polygraph?
The polygraph exam involves you sitting in an exam room with an examiner. The two of you are in the room, and your spouse or partner is not there. However, they may watch you through a two-way mirror if you permit them to do so.
In the preparation leading up to the polygraph exam, your partner may work with the examiner to develop a set of questions surrounding what they want to know about your behavior. These questions are in a yes-or-no-answer format.
The following are some of the more common questions asked in the polygraph exam.
- Since the start of your relationship with your partner, have you ever had sexual intercourse with anyone other than them?
This question is specific in terms of time and actions involved. There’s also a clear division that the examiner refers to your partner.
- Since the start of your relationship with your partner (usually, they’ll use their name), have you had any sexual contact with anyone other than them?
The examiner will explain the meaning and definition of all the terms used in the lie detector test. This preparation ensures no division or doubt of what they refer to when asking questions.
- Have you ever arranged to see another person you’re attracted to in person or via any other communication channels, including social media, during your relationship?
This question helps to identify the source of the suspicion where your partner assumes you might be meeting other people and cheating on them.
The questions asked in the lie detector exam can refer to many other behaviors. For instance, if your partner thinks you’re using drugs, the examiner might ask if you’ve used illegal or prescription drugs in the last three months.
If you answer yes, the examiner might ask what drugs you use. However, you don’t have to reply. It’s also important to note that you have the right to leave the exam room if you feel stressed or want to go.
The examiner may not force you to stay in the exam room and complete the test; your partner cannot make this request either. If you want to leave, you can get up and walk out of the door at any time.
What Do I Do If I Fail the Lie Detector Test?
If you fail the lie detector test, there is nothing your partner can do to hold you legally accountable for anything. The results will not be admissible in a court of law or in any divorce proceedings. Technically, the polygraph only confirms your partner’s suspicions if you’re hiding something from them.
However, if you fail the test and your partner gets the confirmation they’re looking for, there is no telling what they might do as a result. They might ask you to reveal the full extent of your deception, and you have the right to tell them the whole story or continue to deny your behavior.
Or you could come clean with them and hope they’ll forgive you for your behavior. You might commit to counseling with them if you’ve been together for a while and still have feelings for each other. No two cases are the same, and there’s no telling what the outcome of the polygraph exam might lead to in your specific case. Only you and your partner know the answer to that.
How Accurate Is the Lie Detector Test? Can I Beat It?
According to experts, the modern polygraph machine is up to 97% accurate at detecting deceptive answers from the examinee. The polygraph machine works by using instrumentation connected to your chest, abdomen, and fingertips. You’ll also wear a blood pressure cuff and sit on a mat detecting movement.
These instruments detect changes in your heart and respiration rate, blood pressure, movement, skin electrical activity, and sweat gland activity. When the examiner asks you a question, and you lie, the stress of the situation activates your “fight-or-flight” response, which elevates all these readings.
The examiner monitors the instrument feedback using a software program on their computer. They’ll notice which questions activate the fight-or-flight action and continually ask you these questions to compare the input they get from your body and how the system interprets it on their screen.
It takes a lot of work to beat the lie detector. The fight-or-flight response activates through the sympathetic nervous system, which is part of the autonomic nervous system. In other words, it’s a physiological response we can’t control, and the examiner knows this.
So, beating the polygraph is next to impossible. You would need complete control over your autonomic and sympathetic nervous systems. As a human being, you don’t have this power. If you lie, there is a very good chance you won’t be able to conceal your body’s response, and the examiner will flag you for making a deceptive answer.
Will My Partners Request for Me to Take a Lie Detector Ruin Our Trust?
If your partner asks you to take a polygraph, your relationship is likely already on the rocks. Regardless of the outcome of the test, you’ll have to have a discussion to see if you’re really meant to be tighter. Some couples can move past this and establish trust, while others fall apart.